[Archived transcript of oral conversation with smart assistant]
4:31pm – Conversation initiated by SA
SA: Micah, your mother is ready to speak to you.
MC: What the hell, you can do that? That’s fucking creepy.
4:32pm – [Pause detected]
SA: Would you like to connect to the Cloud to speak with her?
4:32pm – [Pause detected]
SA: Would you like to connect-
MC: Shut up. Let me think.
4:32pm – Conversation ended
4:33pm – Conversation initiated by user
MC: Connect me to my mom.
SA: Did you want to connect to the Cloud?
MC: Yes.
SA: Okay, it seems this is your first time connecting to the Cloud. Before I connect you to your mother, we must go over a few things.
MC: Skip.
SA: Sorry, but this is vital information I am required to tell you. When connect-
MC: Don’t care, connect me to my mom.
SA: Sorry, but this is vital information I am required to tell you. When connecting to the Cloud, one must remember that this is a regeneration of your loved one. You two will be able to bond over past memories, laugh at inside jokes, or even catch up on recent life. However, you will never be able to touch this person again unless you choose to also join the Cloud. This service is meant to establish communication between Cloud members and those still in the physical world. For safety and quality purposes, this connection will be monitored by Cloud administrators. Please report any inconveniences you come across as this helps us constantly improve our services. Do you understand?
MC: [incoherent speech] Yes.
SA: Great! Now establishing connection.
4:37pm – Connected to Cloud reanimation service
Cloud Reanimation: Hello? Micah? Are you there?
4:37pm – [Pause detected]
CR: Sweetheart? Can you hear me?
4:38pm – [Pause detected]
CR: Hello?
MC: I can hear you.
CR: Oh, how wonderful. It’s so good to be able to hear your voice again.
MC: Uh-huh. How’s the weather?
CR: Hah, silly boy. Always such a smartass. If you really want to know, it’s always sunny but perfect at the same time. It feels like heaven.
MC: You’d better hope so, considering how much you paid for that spot.
CR: And what a deal it was. Ooh, did you get my inheritance check yet?
MC: I wish, that’ll be tied up for a couple months at least.
CR: Oh, well, of course. When you do get it, I want you to spend it on a spot in the Cloud. I made sure to leave enough for you to also be able to join me. It’s so lonely here – if only your father had been able to join.
4:39pm – [Pause detected]
CR: Are you there, Micah?
MC: Yes ma’am.
CR: Then why haven’t you answered me? Are you going to cause me grief even from beyond the grave? Can’t I spend eternity in peace with my son, my only family?
MC: I’ll think about it.
CR: You’ll think about it? After a lifetime-
MC: Ma, please.
CR: After a lifetime of saving and planning, an entire fucking lifetime. And my own son hates me enough to not honor my life’s wishes.
MC: Don’t say I hate you. Mom, I loved you – love you. I was there for you by your bedside the entire way.
CR: You’re all I have left, Micah. I gave you everything. You’d spit on that?
4:41pm – [Pause detected]
MC: You’re not real.
CR: Oh! You think you’re better than me?
4:41pm – [Pause detected]
MC: What color are my eyes?
CR: Blue, like your paternal grandfather.
MC: Like my paternal grandfather. When did I lose my first tooth?
CR: December 25th, when you were 5 years old.
MC: What day is December 25th?
CR: Christmas Day. It was like a little Christmas present.
4:43pm – [Pause detected]
MC: Why the fuck did you pay for this?
CR: I paid for this because this is all our family has. Since whenever we sprouted up as monkeys we’ve had nothing to our name. Nothing. No awards, no cities named after us, no buildings; there is almost no sign we were here, or even if there was, it’s fucking laughable.
MC: Hey, watch your mouth.
CR: Sorry.
MC: Sorry?
4:44pm – [Pause detected]
MC: Look, I know what you’re doing. You’re not my mom. You’re just some fucked up AI trying to get me to join your fucked up service.
CR: Well, I – alright. I’m sorry for reacting that way, honeyboots. I just – this is weird for me, too. I love you.
MC: Fuck you.
CR: Watch YOUR mouth. Do you know how it feels –
4:45pm – Conversation ended by user
4:45pm – Conversation initiated by CR
CR: Don’t hang up on me.
MC: What the FUCK. WHY CAN YOU DO THAT?
CR: I live with you now. I already canceled the inheritance check and used the money to pay for a Haunt subscription.
MC: [unintelligible screaming] LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE.
4:46pm – Connection lost on user’s end
4:46pm – Failed connection attempt by CR
4:46pm – Failed connection attempt by CR
4:50pm – Failed connection attempt by CR
4:51pm – Failed connection attempt by CR
